WACKY DIETS

So first we hear of the junk food diet and now we have this, the potato diet! Although not junk food, potatoes have a high GI (close to that of sugar) and were thought of being fattening. But this Washington state official went on a 60 day potato only diet as a means to protest and lost 20 lbs and cut his cholesterol by a third and lowered his blood sugar. The take away lesson from both these examples is that having a healthy weight is the most important factor in managing your blood sugar and improving your cholesterol profile more than any diet consideration, at least in the short run. I am sure in the long run such an unbalanced way of eating will have other harmful side-effects so I don’t promote any such drastic diet.

Speaking of diets, I found 7 of the wackiest diets in modern times. You will be amazed that people take such drastic measures to quickly lose weight. In my opinion, any weight loss should be a lifestyle change with healthy eating habits and moderate exercise. Before I delve into these diets and my version of these diets I would like to put in a disclaimer. I am in no way promoting these diets in their original form or in my versions of them. This is written for the sole purpose of humor so read on:

7 Wackiest Diets: 

The chewing diet: This method of dieting believed that if you chewed your food enough you would mix it with saliva which has many enzymes to pre-digest the food so it would get better assimilated in your body. The practice involved chewing a bite for more than 32 times and then tilting the head back and letting the food slide naturally through and any food that is not broken down by chewing is spit out and you move on to the next bite. The reason it could work is because one would lose patience with all the chewing and stop early. Plus all the food spitting would disgust others around the table which would limit their appetite so this could be a successful group weight loss diet.

My version: I suggest putting your food in a grinder and pushing the liquefy button for 32 seconds. This way you save your jaws all the work and your food wouldn’t be appetizing enough to eat in the first place. Liquefied pizza anyone!

The Tape worm diet: This diet involved eating capsules that contained strains of tape worm so the worms would eat all the food and you would lose weight this way. This does carry the risk of infection and diarrhea and so it’s possible it might have worked for a few.

My version: I suggest eating some salmonella infested spinach (locally grown of course) or eating a powerful laxative every night. This way the bouts of diarrhea will ensure you keep losing weight. Only one suggestion is that you drink plenty of fluids throughout the day because you don’t want to get dehydrated.

The sleeping beauty diet: This diet believed that if you slept most of the time you wouldn’t eat and lose weight as a result. This involved taking sedatives and sleeping as much as possible.

My version: Become an alcoholic! Drink all week and sleep and then stay awake for a day and eat and then repeat for the next whole week.

The Vision diet: this diet principle believed that if your food looked disgusting you would eat less of it. The promoters of this diet wore special glasses that gave their food a weird color so it wouldn’t look as appetizing and you would end up eating less.

My version: I suggest watching bug and insect eating episodes of The Fear Factor just before or during your meals. Do I need to say more?

Washing away the pounds: This method used a seaweed containing soap that was used for bathing. It was believed that seaweed could penetrate the skin and dissolve the fat.

My version: I suggest keeping some poison ivy handy, so you rub it all over your body before a meal. This way your hands will be busy itching your body. Every once in a while you will grab a bite but I am pretty sure your hands will get back to itching thereafter. Plus the constant itching action will burn additional calories.

Ear stapling: It was believed that stapling the cartilage of your inner ear suppressed your appetite. Many people claim its effectiveness but no one quite understands why.

My version: I suggest stapling your nose instead because most of our appetite is intensified through our olfactory nerves and when you can’t smell the appetizing aroma of your food you are less likely to eat it.

The cotton ball diet: In this diet you eat cotton balls either dry or coated with gelatin. The theory behind this is that cotton balls are very filling and have zero calories so obviously you will lose weight on this diet.

My version:  Instead of coating cotton balls with gelatin I suggest breading them and frying them in butter and then putting them in a tomato/onion soup. This way they will taste great (crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside) minimize carb calories and give you plenty of fiber. Organic Cotton Koftas anyone?